Thursday, August 27, 2009

home from hospital, safe and sound.

i'm back in my angelic couchsurfing family home with josé and with winifred coming tomorrow. they let me out on good behavior. everything has gone very well so far. i have stiffnesses, but no need for pain meds since 5am this morning. it's 10pm and i'm goin t bed. fat n happy. love to all. pics later. marty

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

6am mañana mornin! whiew!

Houston. josé torres dear friend and fellow writer arrives at midnight. i go in for surgery at 6am. winifred eads old old friend & fellow writer arrives friday for 5 days. they over lap two whole days. with all this blessing—here i include YOU—it doesn't matter what happens. feelin this and sending this: love, blessings of the all highest, and gratitude. marty to each dear friend and family.

josé may likely post next, tomorrow and/or the next day.

Friday, August 7, 2009

santa cruz CA August 9 - 24

okay i bought tickets to fly to Santa Cruz CA until my surgery back here in Houston August 26. dizzy marty. but i'm goin there for peace and quiet and clarity and focus among old friends including men's group brothers and particular trees. i believe i will find it. i have missed SC ever since i left the mountains in Dec. 06.

i was thinkin a readin this to you, but i think i'll just take a pic of me sittin here in my room in this totally angelic couchsurfin home and key it in here—i wrote it this morning:

I'm completely aware I'm takin just slightly more out of each day than is allowed. The other shoe's got to come down some time. But I'm not cringin yet, me son. I'm livin for all I'm worth. The kernel this life is love. Spirit. Sometimes blind. Sometimes completely aware. Never sure which. Smilin.

i just ran three rounds on my favorite stretch just across the bayou. so my shirt's off an i'm drippin. happily. love. marty

Thursday, August 6, 2009

surgery August 26, Wednesday, in Houston

dear being with me beings. due to a misunder-standing on my part and likely providence, as i was definitely not ready the next day! my surgery is going to happen, but is not going to happen until August 26, by Dr. Merrick Ross, in Houston. José has cancelled his flight and re-booked for then, to be here for 5 full days starting the day of surgery.

my "neuroendocrin carcinoma consistent with Merkle cell carcinoma of the right neck without a known primary" appears to remain active (abnormal/increased flow) and show very slight possible growth in the lower (supraclavicular) region. (this is all lymph glands—the only place it's been found.) in other words it is not continuing to regress at least in that region. so it's time (or past time) to take it out. i am reconciled with this. many loved ones are sighing relief. we will never know what the untaken roads would've reached. only the one we're on.

my right vocal chord lesion "leukoplakia" is stable these past 7 months, so it is very unlikely to be cancerous. we will review it every 3 to 6 months. my voice is actually significantly less husky this week—perhaps my performance blew it out!

what i do between now and surgery will require a nother posting, when i know the answer. i'm leaning between Santa Cruz and staying here in Texas (2 friends and a cousin 3 hours west, plus lots a trees and nature), and welcome any arguments and pressures and companionship in it all. what i want and need is to be quiet and center and focus, with the welcome company of a dear friend or two. there is a huge Sheaff cousin gathering at the Indiana Dunes that i presently just feel a little out of synch for, … we'll see what my heart says when it settles down from these 3 days.

no movies this time. but i've wanted to include a pic of my meditation & exercise apparati, taken in Jacksonville IL. i attend these motions nearly every day, it is 8 months yesterday.

okay, this is a MAJOR shift for me. from total devotion to my body's wonderful handling of the affair, to now include "western medicine treatment". i am in my best physical shape and feeling in over 5 years at least. and that will bode me good in surviving "treatment". i will continue my devotion to body and spirit, just adding now dis ting yah cahl "treatmunt." me who won't take aspirin.

but who will continue to take all the love and spirit i get. thanking you wholly. marty