my dear fellow beings on earth,
i am continuing to feel stable in spirit and health for the first time in over a year. this feels good. still half-a-day of energy each day, but i'm getting used to it and treasure what i get.
my beeg project mentioned in my last update was a hike to Maroon Ridge in an area i had vigil/quested 40 days and 40 nites in the early 90's and on one wandering came upon terracing in a steep hidden area with rocks way too beeg for me to consider trying to lift. it is conceivable that this was the doings of a maroon (escaped slave) community, so i wanted to pass this on to people from here to whom this may be sacred. roger and i found some clearly human made rock ridges perpendicular to the flow of the gut (dry creek bed). i don't think it is exactly what i saw before, but it is in the neighborhood, and what i have seen so far may be a tip of an ice berg, who knows. i'm going back this month with two beings of saint croix ancestry who are friends of me and of nature and who i admire and dearly enjoy being with. atop are two pictures from this journey.
then two pictures mark took of me in my den in the bush where i sleep and wake up and do my morning meditation/exercise/stretch sessions as well as read and write some. the view i would really like you to see is the one you get when sitting on the mat. out into trees and sky and across at other hills, all very lush and dear nature. bird songs abounding. i have stayed and will stay at a nother location some of my time here, but the vast vast majority of my time has been staying at Mark's, with this den in the bush for getting away.
yesterday morning i wrote the following notes as i prepared to make this update: extreme peace ... when I meditate down there there is no clarity to the meditation. Because when I am down there it is a meditation the whole time. It is hard to see-feel going in when yer already in. And it is so ancient for me: it is so like where I lived for 8 years beside my 8X8X8' shanti, just downstream a ways (vertical as well as horizontal) and on the other side of the same ole beautiful gut.
and this: there are 2 kinds of exhaustion: exhaustion from the physical trauma of surgery (Aug. 26) and radiation (all of Nov. to Dec. 4); and spiritual, emotional, and mental exhaustion from navigating western medical testings & treatment on a ragged path through five states that looks like that of someone running from the law.
there's a nother thing i must put down here for the record: i have just completed my second annual March away from the West Coast of USica. after 2 Marches in a row sicker than i'd been in a long time (before cancer diagnosis) in San Francisco, i swore i'd never spend a nother March on the West Coast. my post-radiation check-up was supposed to be squack in March 2010 (in Seattle)! i asked for an extention to May (11) so i could be sure not to be there anywhere near March, and i got it. so far so good.
well i'm trying t learn how t stop runnin n to accept this retarded state of being as life for now. whiew, once in a while i find myself breathin real deep. and time to time i get a glimmering memory why.
i continue to have an upbeat spirit. and i continue to reconcile with slowed down motion.
i'm tryin t memorize a pome i've wanted to recite to all of saint croix, and finally two (very brief) reading opportunities are opening up in April.
sennin you my love. marty